"Not Having Closure, It Take(s) A Lot Out Of Me"
I never quite liked the notion that I needed someone to give me closure so I can move on. Because, what if you don't like the answer? What if they don't want to give you that closure? What if this person you are seeking closure from has died? What will you do then? Never move on?
Closure is that feeling of peace when you have completely accepted and moved on from a situation. Which is why no one can give you closure because no one can give you peace. It has to come from you.
When we are not at peace with a situation that involves another person, we have been taught that this person must give us closure. We have been taught that closure is a gift to us from someone else, and that could not be further from the truth. What does it say that we must look to others to solve our problems? It releases us from all self-accountability. It says that we are not responsible for the way we feel and that it is up to someone else to change it. Seeking closure from someone else is really an excuse to avoid having to do the work. Facing the truth is hard - and painful - but we must feel those feelings away before we can move on.
You will hate people for the rest of your life because you feel as if they haven't given you closure. And that because of them, you can't move on with your life. And that is a bullshit way to live.
We won't always get the answers we want from others. And we just have to be okay with that. Giving someone that much power over you is not the way to live. No one should decide the quality of your life except you. We can accept that we don't have the answers and still have closure. One does not depend on the other.
Dig deep, it won't be easy. You may face some truths that are hard to bear. But, they are growing pains. You will come out stronger and with more clarity on the other side.
Your life is way too precious to waste waiting on someone to give you the permission to move forward. Let go of the idea that closure comes from anyone but you. There is power in this realization, that you are in control of how you feel. That you are in control over what kind of life you want to live. It is all up to you. Accept what is and let go what does not belong. Freedom is much sweeter when it comes from within.
*All illustrations by Ojima Abalaka*
*Title from Drake's song Redemption*